The Gardens of Life

We moved into our current home about two years ago.  As with any previously owned home, there were a few not so welcome surprises.  Those were easily overcome, however, by the beautiful landscaping, in particular the well planned and maintained backyard garden that we inherited with our new home. 

Surrounding our stone pool deck is a lovely haven of green boasting an array of interesting flowering plants and trees.  From the four varieties of roses to the multitude of crape myrtles, lilies and blooming hedges, color graces our little backyard retreat virtually year round. While maintaining our backyard garden requires some effort, we humbly admit that most of it existed long before we claimed it as “ours.” 

As the seasons change we love the new surprises that bloom to seemingly greet us – lovely things we did not plant and therefore are delighted to discover.  Having moved in October, we were completely unaware of the multitude of lilies that were lying dormant below the surface until they bloomed into full color in the spring.   There is a daisy bush in one corner that grows wildly green all summer and then explodes with yellow flowers in late summer and early fall.  We even discovered a pomegranate growing on a three foot tall tree!  And so, throughout the year we reap the benefit and enjoy the pleasure of our backyard garden.

There are, however, other things in our garden which we most certainly did not plant.  Take for instance the parasitic vine that continually fights for a corner with my Indian Hawthorne.  This invasive vine has even tried to stake its claim to one of my rose bushes!  There is also a patch of dandelions in the yard that seem to be resistant to any effort to eradicate them.  For a while I was convinced they actually multiplied when weed killer was applied.  In order to preserve the intended beauty of the garden and protect it from these undesired elements, we’ve had to call the “weed man” at times for professional advice and just the right intervention.

The Garden of My Daughter’s Heart and Life

Our precious daughter came home in December 2006.  We celebrated her 12^th birthday just a few weeks later, and she has been a joy and a blessing to our family in so many ways.  As her ‘roots’ deepen in the ‘soil’ of our family, I have come to appreciate and respect the garden that is her heart and life – planted and blossoming long before I knew her name or became her mother.  

There are so many beautiful things in the garden of my daughter’s heart and life – lovely things I did not plant!  I was not there to see her first step, her first time to run, jump or climb, yet I have discovered that she is an amazingly fast, skilled athlete, and a graceful dancer.  I did not hear her first words, but she has incredible language skills, and is fluent in both English and Russian.  Once she was home I discovered she could crochet, sew and cook.  I have come to admire her strong work ethic, exhibited through diligence and determination – all qualities modeled for her half a world away.  And I did not teach her to read, ride a bicycle, or build snowmen; yet she loves to keep illustrated journals, ride bikes with no hands and can build things out of snow that astound me.

As with my backyard garden, there are also other things in the garden of my daughter’s heart and life that I did not plant, but cannot ignore.  There are hard things that do not give life and instead seem intent to steal the beauty and joy from her victories.  There are the fast-growing vines of fear and loss that at times try to choke out the trust and sense of permanence that has blossomed between us.  And then there is the stubborn root of self-reliance that impedes vulnerability and healthy attachment. Nurturing the beauty and healthy growth in my daughter’s heart and life requires constant vigilance, regular work and the humility and willingness to call upon and utilize available resources (much like the “weed man”) when needed.

In this ongoing effort to help bring forth our daughter’s beauty and hold at bay the ‘weeds’ in her life, I’ve relied upon amazing support from other adoptive families and our church as well as books, conferences and skilled counselors.  But by far the most valuable resource – for me and for her – is the Master Gardner.  The garden in our backyard did not come to be by chance.  It was carefully designed and created for a purpose.  The same is true of our daughter.  Acknowledging God as the One who designed her unique and precious life has created a bridge from her past to the present, and enables us to continue traveling this journey toward a hope-filled future.  He knows better than anyone, including my daughter herself, what things are buried deep in the garden of her heart – and He desires to see those things that He planted burst into life and beautiful color.

As the seasons of life change I know there will be many more surprises that will blossom forth from my daughter’s heart and life.  Some will spring forth with life and beauty; others seeking an unsuspecting moment to yield patches of doubts and insecurity.  Trusting His skill and purpose gives me courage and hope as I watch my daughter’s heart and life bloom and stand amazed at His Master Plan.

The Whole Picture

As my daughter, Sveta, and I sat looking at the precious few photographs we have from her early childhood, we both enjoyed studying the familiar features of her sky-blue eyes and smooth olive skin.  We laughed about the many changes in hair color, length and style.  And as she remembered the story behind one of her kindergarten portraits, I listened carefully to every detail she could recall.

One photograph, however, captured my heart and held my attention.  She was too young when it was taken to remember the slate grey and turquoise sweater she wore, or the occasion of the photo; however, she had many memories of the special person holding her close, their faces almost touching.  Her birthmother looked beautiful in her jewel toned sweater and neatly applied lipstick.  Her eyes and skin tone looked so much like those of the girl now sitting beside me on the bed.  How old was she? How much time had passed? Where is she now? Does she think about …?

My thoughts were interrupted as Sveta began to ask me about the photo.  “Can you use this photo to make a picture of me by myself?” she asked.  It seemed a simple enough request.  I could scan and crop the photo at a nearby photo store, and so I answered, “Sure.”  She was delighted to think of having something close to a “baby picture” to hang in her room, and asked me to make enough copies to share with grandparents, aunts and uncles, too.

A few days later I was off to the photo store to create a “baby picture” of Sveta.  At the store I became so absorbed in the technical aspects of my task that I was a bit startled by the oversized image that suddenly appeared on the computer screen in front of me.  Staring back at me was my beautiful daughter at a precious age long before I knew her.  Certainly neither of the people in the photograph could have guessed at that point where their paths would eventually lead. 

Looking intently at the photo my mind began to once again fill with questions and thoughts as I stared at this frozen moment in time.  Back to the task at hand, I began the process of cropping the photo of my daughter, as I manipulated the boxes and arrows horizontally, vertically, with and without zoom.  But I soon realized that no matter how I moved the cursor, I could not get all of my daughter in the picture without keeping some of her birthmother.  Then, the thought hit me with all of its profound and lifelong implications: I could not have ALL of my daughter without including her birthmother! Embracing the precious girl God brought to our family involved a continual acknowledgement and embrace of her past.  I could not hope to see the fullness of who she is – her personality and spirit – without being willing to see the whole picture.

Before leaving the photo store that day, I made several copies of the picture.  Today a close-cropped 4x6 picture of a blue-eyed toddler gazes at me from my bookshelf in our home, while an 8x10 picture of a beautiful mother and child hangs nicely framed on the wall of my daughter’s bedroom.  When I see this picture, I still have questions, but my heart is also full of thanks for my precious girl and all that God has made her to be.

Cheryl Macdonald is married to Darren and they are parents to four terrific kids, including Sveta who was adopted from Russia.  Cheryl and Darren help lead Tapestry's Older Child Adoption Parent Group.