Connected to Those Who "Get It"

As I am typing this, our beautiful daughter is sleeping in her crib just a few feet away.  Holding her in my arms as she nestled down for rest, I began to reflect on where we were a little over a year ago. 

Spring of 2009 held very different thoughts and emotions than those we are experiencing now.  Spring, the time of new life and renewal, had been disappointing.  After the initial excitement of deciding to adopt from Ethiopia, completing our paperwork, and beginning our wait, our agency informed us that our wait time would be double what we initially thought.  Our Spring looked bleak as we settled in for more waiting.  While I am not a sentimental person when it comes to holidays, Mother’s Day hit me with a vengeance.  I was shocked by the intensity of my emotions that day as I felt so helpless and sad.  We were later to find out that our daughter was born only days before that Mother’s Day.  That Spring had brought an amazing life into this world; so far away in Gondar, Ethiopia, our daughter had been born!  God’s timing, as always, had been perfect. 

Throughout the wait, we had amazing support.  We are blessed with a wonderful group of friends and incredible church home.  But, although people were supportive beyond belief, interested, and loving, there was an element missing.  That element was the “I get it” factor that we found through Tapestry. 

Adoption is complicated; it is confusing, and we can’t expect those around us to understand all of the nuances.  From the dossier, to wait times, to referrals, to court dates, and the many changes that occur around each one of these details, people not in the process simply can’t always “get it.”  What’s more, it may be the hardest to go to the places where we find the most support.  For us, there were Sundays when church was very difficult.  Seeing all of the parents with children in their arms caused sadness.  Birthday parties for friends’ children brought a mixed bag of excitement and longing. 

But, there was Tapestry, a true God send in our lives.  The people at Tapestry provided us with that much needed “I get it” factor.  We first attended the annual conference in October 2008 where we had a chance to attend several great sessions, all speaking directly to where we were in the process.  It was amazing to be in a room full of people who understood and were going through (or had been through) the same things we were.  From there, we learned about the waiting families group, which we regularly attended during our year long wait.  At waiting families group we met other people, both married and single, who “got it” because they were living it.  There was no need to explain what a home study was or why a few months added to the wait could be so hard.  Everyone there “got it.”  The leaders were so kind, gentle, and supportive and also taught us to laugh and enjoy our wait as much as possible.  They encouraged us to use the time to educate ourselves and then provided us with great topics and resources to help us do that.  Even better, we met other couples adopting from Ethiopia with whom we have formed lasting friendships. 

I am a firm believer that we are not “equipped and then called,” but rather we are “called and then equipped.”  Once we accept God’s call to adopt, there is no turning back.  As much as we may feel ill-equipped, we simply trust and come to know that this is the direction our lives will take.  The call is personal, but the equipping is communal.  We need others to help us become equipped with the knowledge, tools, experiences and perspectives we need to be the kind of parents God has called us to be for our children.  Tapestry is an amazing place to get connected and become equipped. 

Tapestry is a place where anyone will feel welcome.  Regardless of what church you attend (or whether you attend church at all), you will be accepted into this community of people who will “get” you and the journey you are traveling.  You will find a place where you can ask those questions that seem silly (like, where do you change diapers on the plane?).  You will share hopes and fears as well as joy and tears.  You will celebrate with others when they receive a referral and just might find yourself at the airport watching a family come home with the newest addition to their family.  In the end, you will find friendships, support, encouragement and perspective from other who, quite simply, “get it.”

Carmen Scroggin is married to Jim Clawson and they adopted their daughter Almaz from Ethiopia in 2009.